So… here’s what’s been going on

I haven’t said much lately… no blogs… no newsletters… no engagements… not much of anything. There’s a reason. I needed to, as a former bishop of mine would say, “walk softly before the Lord” so that I could hear His voice clearly. Now, I can let you in on what’s been happening.

After my recording session in April, I took some time away from production on my new project. During that time, I made contact with an independent record label in New Jersey that was interested in re-releasing my first project and investing in the completion of my second project. After a few conversations with the label owner, I developed a budget for the completion of the project to help them make their decision. We planned for the label owner and his family to come and visit with me and worship one Sunday at my home church. Things were looking pretty good. So, I decided not to do anything until I saw how things were going to pan out.

Well, last week I spoke with the label owner. He informed me that he had taken a beating in the stock market and, as a result, wouldn’t be investing in my project. As disappointing as this could be, for me it brought peace. My prayer had always been that only the will of God would be done. When the door closed, it made the answer very clear.

One of biggest blessings in it all for me is the fact that my band and singers are so tremendously supportive. They all have said that they are ready to work and complete the project, whether I have the dollars I want to pay them or not. They are committed to helping me. I feel so blessed and humbled that singers and musicians of this caliber are willing to work with me. This is the favor of God. I also believe that another contributing factor is that I always try to compensate them when they minister with me. I respect each of them as singers and musicians. I respect that they have lives, and bills, and amazing talent. I respect the fact that they do not have to share their gifts and talents with me. When we do work together, I respect their time as well as their other commitments.

And I understand the challenge of professional musicians in the Gospel music arena. I’ll talk more about that later this week.

Painful Peace?

I’m sure that almost sounds like an oxymoron. Let me try to explain…

I clearly remember that evening. I had just arrived home from church. This was 1995, just as cell phones were becoming a popular item but before they had become the permanent appendage they are today. I had a message on the answering machine at home to call my sisters. When I called, they told me that my father had just passed that evening. That was the moment I first experienced what I call “painful peace.”

This was a feeling of calm helplessness coupled with restrained security. This was “peace” because at that moment I knew that the perfect will of God had been done. This was “painful” because the perfect will of God was very different from the will of Michael. I wanted God to heal my dad. He had suffered enough and deserved, in my opinion, to be healed of the cancer that was destroying his body. But, God chose to take my father home with Him and let him enter his eternal reward for all the work he had done for God’s kingdom. Besides, God and I had agreed that my father had suffered enough. So, although realizing that my father had gone on to be with God was painful, knowing that my father was no longer suffering was peaceful. That was a moment of painful peace.

Recently, I was reacquainted with “Painful Peace.” It has been my hearts desire for the past decade to travel to the continent of Africa to minister – either through serving in missions, ministering through the preached word or ministering through music. Well, my BIG CHANCE came!

I was at home talking with one of the neighborhood kids that I’d been mentoring when my cell phone (my permanent appendage) rang. It was a local pastor who had allowed me to minister at his church. He was about to head to Kenya this month for a conference with several pastors and churches in the region. There was a well-known international artist scheduled to travel with him who had to cancel on the trip. As he considered a replacement, he thought I’d be a great fit and asked if I’d accompany him to minister in music nightly before he ministered the preached word.

My heart started racing!! In my mind I was already seeing my brothers and sisters in Africa singing and dancing to “Dance In My Feet.” I could see them rejoicing to the words of “Fight For Me.” This was it! I was headed to Africa to minister.

Then reality set in. It became clear that my life wasn’t only about my personal ministry. As I sat with the calendar at my church, I saw that my sudden unplanned absence would affect several events for which I was responsible; and shifting things around wasn’t as easy as I thought. It came down to a decision. Everyone was willing to work with me so that I could go – but was it the right thing to do? Would it be God’s perfect will for me to leave this abruptly (the trip would have been three weeks away) and throw this many things off balance? Would it be good leadership for me to create this great a challenge for my leadership team?

As much as I wanted to justify it all in my head, the answer was clear to me. I couldn’t take this engagement. It wasn’t God’s perfect will. His will was that I deny my desire and decline the opportunity. It was so painful to call that pastor back and say, “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to take that trip with you.” But, as soon as I said it, I felt that “Painful Peace.” I knew that I was doing the perfect will of God.

God’s plan for my life doesn’t always mesh well with my plan. It’s hard to build a house with two different designs. One has to be abandoned so that the other one can be embraced. I have to abandon my plan for my life – my blueprint – so that God’s plan can be fully embraced. And, He usually doesn’t reveal His plan. But He does reveal His face to those who seek Him. And in His face, I always find peace.